Why most of us are grieving

I have a lot to say about grief (I’m the life of the party, I know). Here’s why:

Most of us are grieving, but may not even realize it.

White western culture has a pretty messed up relationship with grief (generalizing of course. Though even if you come from a heritage, background, or culture that healthfully processes grief - if you live within a white western power structure - chances are, you may have taken on some of these dynamics by default. But that’s a much bigger topic). 

Many of us were not taught how to grieve. Or worse, learned that grief is ‘bad’ and to be avoided or hidden.

Grief is the natural response to losing anything you’ve grown attached to. 

Some examples:

↳ Life transitions

↳ A changing body

↳ Loss of a dream or goal 

↳ Job loss or career change

↳ Breakup, divorce, or betrayal

↳ A sense of direction or purpose 

↳ Health challenges or medical diagnosis

↳ Loss of community or sense of belonging

↳ Shifting friendships, family roles and dynamics

↳ Racial, ethnic, religious, societal, gender inequities 

When we experience a loss unrelated to losing a loved one, we may think what we’re feeling is shameful, stupid, or simply, not grief. 

I get it. That was my understanding of grief too — until my life completely exploded and I was invited (forced?) to confront multiple, simultaneous, devastating losses in solitude. My sense of Self and grief fundamentally shifted. At the same time, I’ve been learning to transform my pain into purpose.

While I’ve been given a masterclass in bone-deep grief, I also learned this mind-blowing realization:

You can also experience grief when you experience positive changes in your life. 

• Starting a new relationship? Inviting another person into your life also means losing your identity as a single person.

• Landed a dream job? Your new role also means you are may give up something up in exchange - longtime colleagues, work environment, or a familiar schedule.

• Expanding your business? Growth can require removing unhelpful habits or patterns, restructuring your time, or finally confronting what’s been holding you back all these years.

• Moving into a new home? Changing your community, route to work, or familiar surroundings can feel  deeply unsettling. 

It's all grief, and it’s all valid.

Grief is the undercurrent of any kind of change - whether we ask for it or not. 

It’s part of what makes you human.